My 10 days Vipassana experience (what I learned)

(version française disponible ici)

Unlike other experiences, having neither the right to use the phone or to take notes, everything you read comes from my memory. Some things may have happened a day earlier or a day later. Nevertheless, all of what you are about to read, I have experienced, seen or felt.

I hope you will enjoy reading it as much as I had writing it!
Good reading.

Before reading what follows, I strongly recommend that you start with the first part

> why I did it and how you can do it too <

The view from the balcony of the canteen (men’s side)

WHAT’S IT ALL ABOUT?

Like everyone else, I arrived with enormous apprehension because it seems so extreme at first. Everyone says that the first days are the hardest, but then the body and the mind let go.

I arrived with the goal of staying “strong” at least until the 4th day. Basically, I did what I do best: set myself a challenge. I also said to myself to think in “small victories”. Don’t tell myself “7 days left ?!” but “1 hour to finish this block, you can do it”

Against all expectations, I had a pleasant stay from the beginning to the end (except the 9th day)!

At first: I was so afraid that it would be hell, that I was pleasantly surprised. I quickly found my marks.

In the middle: I managed to progress quickly in the technique, which gave me self-confidence to keep moving forward.

At the end: the students fell ill one after the other, I stayed upright and in good shape. Getting a good night’s sleep is a real advantage. The 9th day was particularly hard mentally, everything irritated me that day, I had only one desire: to be the last day.

DAY 0 : GOING AIRPLANE MODE

On paper, the retreat lasts 10 days. But in reality, it is more like 12 days. You must arrive the day before at 5 p.m. and you finish DAY 11 with a meditation from 4:30 a.m. to 7 a.m. The rascals.

The meeting is given in the center of Auckland (New Zealand) at 3:00 p.m. for an arrival at the center around 4:30 p.m. At the meeting point, you recognize from afar those who arrive to make vipasanna. Mostly backpackers or young people in WHV. I was surprised to see that the average age (for men) was around 30 years. I expected more at 35/45 years.

1 km from in the center, you’ve got ni signal on your phone. Perfect to get you in the mood … Fortunately, you have active WIFI until 5:00 p.m. Enough to send your last messages to your loved ones and make the last check on your social media.

On site, the separation of men and women is already in place. Couples will have until 6:00 p.m. to say goodbye. So I go up to the main building on the male side to meet Alex, our “Male Manager”. Very welcoming, he gave me the “code of conduct”, asked me to read it and especially to sign it. A little written reminder that doesn’t hurt. When I give it back, he asks me specifically “Maxime, are you okay to respect the code and stay for 10 days”. Yes Yes…

6:00 p.m. the first DONG is heard. It sounds throughout the camp. Direction the canteen. Some final discussions are heard. We feel a slight tension and everyone begins to avoid eyes-contact from each others.

In the middle of the night, I woke up freezing. I just understood that it is very cold at night in New Zealand. We will therefore close the window for the next few times.

DAY 1 : PRISON BREAK

WAKE UP CALL (04:00am)

the DONG resounds in my room. I suddenly get out of bed, shouting “are we attacked? What’s my name? Where am I? Without ham, the pizza please”. You may be an early birds, but 04:00 a.m. is a big slap in your face.

MEDITATION 1 (04:30 am)

We all arrive in front of the meditation hall looking at our feet. Everyone who has hoodies (like me) has their faces hidden inside. We are waiting for the signal to get in. Alex, the manager, makes the call to make sure you don’t have any flanks from day one. Men are on the left, women on the right. Everyone has their own space with their name, which will remain so until the end of the stay.

Meditation begins with an acapella song by S.N. Goenka. When you don’t know, it’s weird! If you’re curious, it looks like this. I didn’t know at this point, but Goenka’s song will vibrate in the hall, at the beginning and end of meditation, 14 times a day. He will have the particularity of exasperating you when he opens meditation but he will be deliverance when he closes it.

BREAKFAST BREAK (06:30 am)

Weird moment in the canteen. We learn slowly to avoid eye-contact and not to speak to ask for something. 35 men who live together without uttering a sound, it’s a funny scene.

I eat breakfast in a few minutes (one of my bad habits) and I find myself in my room around 07:00. Nice free time! Actually no … When you have “nothing to do”, one hour can be a super long time. I decide to see how many minutes it takes to go around the garden. Ok it takes 5min. Let’s try to make 3 or 4 then!

On entering my room, I turn like a caged lion. I decide to do 4min-plank and 100 pushups before my shower to pass the time. All without making too much noise so as not to arouse suspicion. Yes I know, it is not allowed, finally not explicitly prohibited either (I play on words). It will always take 15 minutes to occupy my mind. This little physical routine saved me from the cold epidemic that spread from DAY 4. (see my practical advice for surviving Vipasanna)

MEDITATION “group” 2 (08:00am)

The first day is dedicated to learning how to feel your breath. We breathe naturally because our survival depends on it. But we are not really aware of it. This is level 1 of the technique.

LUNCH BREAK (11:00am)

Small bowl of rice and steamed vegetable. I feel that we are going to have a good time … At this point, I don’t know that YES it will be the same every lunch, except for a few variations of vegetables.

I have never looked so much at the clock in my entire life. The impression of being back on the benches of high-school … It’s always so weird not to look at each other and to cohabit without speaking. Some people decide to eat facing the wall. This has the merit of being effective.

TEA BREAK (05:00pm)

Oh bananas! If you like bananas, you will be served! Apples and bananas everywhere. The new student are entitled to several fruits, the old student just to a ginger tea with a spoon of honey.

LIGHTS OUT (09:30pm)

9:07 p.m. I’m in bed, 9:09 p.m. I sleep. I don’t know yet, but there will be a strange phenomenon during my nights. I’m going to have dense and abnormally rhythmic dreams. When I wake up, I feel like I slept awake. Very strange feeling, as if the spirit purified itself. Is the technique already working?

The path to the “meditation hall”. We will take it 26 times a day.

DAY 2: I CANNOT FEEL MY LEGS (and my ass)

WAKE UP CALL (04:00am)

Ok, I’m not going to get used to it when I wake up at 04:00 in the morning. I’m really not going to get used to it. No check from our manager this time?

MEDITATION 1 (04:30am)

I may put all the will in the world, 15/20min after the start of meditation, I doze. 30min after the start, I sleep on my knees … “Anicca vata sankhara, uppadavaya-dhammino, Uppajjitva nirujjhanti, …” I wake up with the soft voice of Goenka.

BREAKFAST BREAK (06:30am)

I note that we have the same thing to eat as yesterday: porridge oats with soy milk and a fruit compote (apples mainly). Fortunately, the peanut butter raises the level ! This peanut butter will regularly come to haunt my meditations 🙂

Small walk around the garden, 4min plank + 100 pushups and the cold shower. I’m pump like never before !

MEDITATION “group” 2 (08:00am)

Everyone breathes differently and keeps changing position. If you think it is the mind that will suffer first, think again. It’s your legs and your ass. We are not at all used to sitting for several hours in the same position.

Today, you have to learn to feel sensations around your nose and nostrils. Any sensation: heat, tingling, vibration, … Don’t laugh, it’s more complicated than it seems.

LUNCH BREAK (11:00am)

Ok I understood. We will eat the same thing every day! Small routine nevertheless which is put in place: we all position ourselves at the balcony to look at the garden while eating. Everyone begins to have their place of preference.

Small “nature” moment with a group of ducks (at least it strongly resembles it, although much faster) which crosses our garden. Everyone stops to watch the show. I realize at that moment that we have crossed a milestone.

MEDITATION 4 (01:00pm)

I wonder why there are so many packs of tissues at the entrance to the meditation hall. I will soon find out…

TEA BREAK (05:00pm)

I have never spent so much time looking at my body. Sitting in the grass, you begin to dissect your hands, your arms, your hair, your moles. Time passes so slowly.

In the toilets, it is return to childhood, where you start to read the label of the deodorant (see image below)

LIGHTS OUT (09:30pm)

I arrive in my room in the same style as below.

DAY 3 : ORGASM IN YOUR NOSE

WAKE UP CALL (04:00am)

No, it’s still not possible. My hearing has adapted (thank you earplugs) and I no longer wake up on the 1st DONG (4:00 am) or the 2nd (4:20 am) but at 4:25 am with my cheap alarm clock! Laugh, but minutes are really precious at that time of the day (or night?).

My back is blocked. Pain all over the legs. I feel like I did a triathlon overnight.

The night was complicated. I woke up at 2 am to go to the bathroom. I go out of my room but I come face to face with a shape the size of a big cat who looks at me with bright eyes. OK NOBODY MOVE! We will gently back up and piss in the garden in front of the room. Adventurous but not too much either…

MEDITATION 1 (04:30am)

I can’t stay awake for more than 30 minutes. We are so wrapped up in his big blanket. Sorry Goenka!

BREAKFAST BREAK (6:30am)

I see that the big guy of the group (he is 2m05 of muscle. A super nice guy whom I met on the last day. His Instagram) does not eat much. He is not the only one. Are they adding another difficulty?

Personally I discovered the joy of the combination “peanut better and jam”, spread together on my 4 toasted bread toast! We sit comfortably to see the sun rise on the balcony (photo below) We enjoy the view and we eat more and more slowly.

MEDITATION 3 (09:00am)

I finally find my position in the meditation hall! I talk about it again in my practical advice to survive for Vipasanna, but finding its position before the end of the 4th day on the cushions is essential. You will understand why.

Today, you have to learn how to reduce the area where you feel the sensations. We go from “nose + nostrils + triangle of the upper lips to the nostrils” to only “the triangle of the upper lips to the nostrils”. The idea is to refine your mind by getting it used to feeling more and more subtle sensations. Always more and more subtle.

LUNCH BREAK (11:00am)

I realize that the “lunch” breaks are going to be the best times of the day. The ones where you occupy your mind and you recover energy. You eat more and more slowly every day. Until you observe in detail how many grains of rice are in your spoon …

Explosion of joy! We have a chocolate cake for dessert! Perfect to make you smile all day.

I see that we piss all day. We walk around with our water bottle all day long, we have to drink 3 liters a day!

MEDITATION “group” 5 (2:30pm)

In the afternoon, we are called in groups of 5/6 to sit in front of the teacher while the others continue to meditate. He asks you every time if you can get to the level of the day. I realize that a lot of students find it difficult to refine the sensation zone at the triangle.

I wonder what I miss most. Answer: a good filter coffee, make a good run to sweat well, write everything I’ve got in my head and have a good laugh!

Everything you can take at the 5 p.m. break is on this photo

DAY 4 : WHY AM I HERE?

WAKE UP CALL (04:00am)

Smashed. Bulk. I feel like elephants trampled on me all night while I slept. Getting out of my bed somehow, it looks like a 90 year old. I know in advance that I will not hold the two hours of meditation.

In the toilet, I discover in the mirror a face with dark circles like never seen before. My face is hollow and tired. It’s worrying.

BREAKFAST BREAK (6:30am)

I’m starting to feel the things around me differently. Everything seems to have more intensity, in terms of energies and colors. I spend a good half hour observing the sunrise, the orange color of the sky, the mesmerizing movement of the clouds or the impact of the wind in the trees.

I laugh alone by discovering how much humans love to reproduce what they see. From the beginning, we put our bottles in front of the meditation hall (it is prohibited inside). Except that to bring your gourd along the way to deposit it in front of the door, has little interest. One of the students had the good idea to put his water bottle on the small wall at the bottom of the path and thus to avoid unnecessary transportation. Result: everyone started to do the same thing and the wall is now completely decorated with gourds of all colors!

I find that some people walk barefoot all day and also eat with their hands. I did not have the courage to try it.

MEDITATION 3 (09:00am)

A big anxiety rises suddenly in me: what if my grandmother, whom I left in bad shape, was dead while I am here, cut off from the world? I feel the tears rising in me, with a wave of sadness. After a few minutes, I focus on the Ānāpāna method which I have been practicing for 3 days now. I calm my breathing, I focus on the entry and exit of air through my nostrils. I begin to observe the sensations including this sadness. Suddenly, it “detaches” from me, as if it was no longer part of me. I start to realize, to come back to the present moment. I end up seeing the moment from another angle: nothing is permanent, nothing is eternal. Every day, every moment, every second, we will die a little more. My grandmother went on to her next life and I thank her for all the love she gave me. (Ps: my grandmother is still alive!)

The secret of life is to die before you die and discover that there is no such thing as death.
Eckhart Tolle

BREAKFAST BREAK (6:30am)

Small tan on my favorite palette (in reality, it’s the only one). I wonder when is the last time I lay in the sun, thinking of nothing, just feeling the wind and the sun on my skin, without thinking what time it is. When I was a kid?

4min plank + 100 pushups and the cold shower.

MEDITATION 6 (3:30pm)

Students are sick one after the other. In the mediation hall, it coughs and sniffs in all directions. Poor people. Little selfish thought: “I hope I’m not going to catch something with their bullshit!”

Overall, we are in trouble. The students cough, and we work on our breathing. The combination is not optimal!

My Ānāpāna meditation technique is starting to be pretty good at all. I can observe sensations all over my face, from the edge of the nostrils to the top of the skull, passing through the ears.

TEA BREAK (5pm)

It’s still super long 10 days. For 30 min, I realize that I am only 35% of the stay. Morale falls in socks.

4min plank + 100 pushups and the cold shower.

DAY 5 : THE HELL TEST

WAKE UP CALL (04:00am)

I wake up naturally at 4:15 am. I automatically put on my jogging pants and my hoodie. I move like a zombie towards the meditation hall. Deep down, I wonder if this hour of mediation so early in the morning really has a virtue or it’s just to piss us off and test our mind.

I notice something that will change throughout the stay. I notice that we are less and less in the meditation hall at 04:30. I also notice that it is written on the planning “meditation in the hall or in your room”. I will try to set my direct alarm clock at 6:30 am for breakfast and see if someone comes to wake me up or not …

BREAKFAST BREAK (06:30am)

To celebrate the end of the first half, I give myself the luxury of shaving my head to make myself look good. I ask the manager for a mirror. He brings me a huge mirror of at least 2/3 kilos! Handy when you have to hold it behind your head while you shave. Maxime… equanimity, be happy!

What a nice surprise after lunch. I discover that there is a second path in the wood. It is not around the garden but in the forest. Very happy, I set off to discover it!

MEDITATION “group” 2 (08:00am)

Today the “Vipassana” part actually begins for real including the “hell test”. At least it’s the nice little name I found for him. The idea is simple: to better concentrate and feel your sensations, the meditations must now be in the most complete stillness. So I seriously hope for you that you have found your favorite position because it is the most physically painful moment of the 10 days.

The meditation is guided by Goenka who will help you scan all parts of your body, from head to toe. You feel a leaden silence in the room, nobody flinches, nobody moves. At the time of DONG, everyone releases a big sigh, the bones creak and the groans are heard. We’re hot, we’re sweaty.

We were all beaten up for 90 minutes without moving! Everyone really has a shitty face, surrounded, tired, worn. Outside, everyone tries to stretch as best they can: roll in the grass, dog upside down, cracked vertebrae, genuflection, …

LUNCH BREAK (11:00am)

Seeing the others fall more and more sick, I decide to eat 3 bowls for lunch. Beginner error! Large phase of uncomfortable digestion during the first post-lunch meditation.

TEA BREAK (05:00pm)

Everyone seems to do their best to entertain their mind. I see one on the balcony of the cafeteria who is desperately trying to get his toenails done with his mouth. For my part, I spend the break in my room, lying on my bed looking at the ceiling, while running my hand over my chest to feel the hairs slipped under my fingers. The lack of affection is felt.

4min plank + 100 pushups and the cold shower.

EVENING DISCOURS (07:00pm)

Goenka explains that you have to know how to observe suffering. Know it is there, observe it and not react. Thank you Goenka.

DAY 6 : CALL ME YODA

BREAKFAST BREAK (06:30am)

Booooooommm wake up at 6:20 am direct for breakfast. My god, what happiness! I have an Olympic form, no pain and a smile to my ears. Cherry on the cake: the sunrise is magnificent.

There are a lot of little spiders in the center. I notice that there is always the same in the toilet number 3. I nicknamed him “Spider Bobby”. I greet him now whenever I see him in the toilet. 6th day … 6th day …

4min plank + 100 pushups and the cold shower

MEDITATION “group” 2 (08:00am)

I hold the 60 minutes without moving and against all odds without any pain either. You can call me Yoda! I talk to the teacher, who says “it’s a miracle young man”. My ego is happy.

BREAKFAST BREAK (06:30am)

It starts raining downpours. We are standing in front of our door-rooms to observe this weather phenomenon. I realize that we never really take the time to appreciate the rain at its true value. We often see the rain as the lousy thing that pisses you off because you have to run to avoid getting wet. So I decide to jump in the grass and start facing the sky with my eyes closed, my hands open to the sky. How good it is to feel the rain running down your skin! I laugh. Another guy me and laughs too. The others who stayed behind also laughed. If you didn’t know that it is a Vipasanna center and that you witnessed this moment, it surely must look like a very strnge scene from the outside!

The rain stops, a smell of damp wood invades the forest. We all start walking along the way to enjoy this moment.

MEDITATION “group” 5 (02:30pm)

The worst thing that can happen in mediation: a student drops a bomb in the middle of a lesson! On the male side, a student cannot hold back his fart.

Imagine the scene. 40 men / 40 women seated in a mediation position without moving, concentrated to feel their sensations, in the most complete silence. Huge awkwardness with the noise. But that’s not all … We are on 3/5 noise level, but odor, we are not far from 5/5.

Keep imagining. We were sitting focusing the attention on our … breathing! It only lasted 1 or 2 minutes, but it was a real torture.

EVENING DISCOURS (07:00pm)

First giggle (or even the first laugh) since the beginning. The native non-English people, including myself, are in the cafeteria every evening to listen to Goenka’s speech in our native language. We are all installed quietly, headsets on our ears, all waiting for the “bravo, we are 6 days, so you have 4 days to work hard”. Except that the volunteer made the wrong day and gave us again day 5. Nervously, we all burst out laughing while thinking “it is out of the question to live twice on day 5!”

Goenka tells us about addictions. That the problem is not in alcohol, for example, but in the sensation it gives to our body. Not just drunkenness, but feelings of desire through the body. I realize that I often drink more than I need when I don’t have enough energy to keep the party going or when I am bored. The idea would be to be able to observe this desire when the urge to drink arises to become aware of it. Ideally, I will have to accept the fact that I am tired and that I leave the evening for example. To meditate.

LIGHTS OUT (09:30pm)

I fall asleep imagining that the whole world has disappeared and that we will realize when we leave that we are the only survivors. The title of the movie is called “Vipasanna”.

DAY 7 : LIMITLESS

BREAKFAST BREAK (06:30am)

When I wake up, I hear tears in the next room. My neighbor seems to crack. I can’t even go talk to him. Hard.

Another student arrives with red eyes for breakfast. While we eat, you feel that he is emotionally very sad. Our minds must be purifying themselves.

MEDITATION 3 (09:00am)

I start meditation thinking about my next startup, which I’ve been working on for a few weeks now. I had business model leads but nothing concrete. What happened during these 120 minutes is mind blowing for me. I finally understand the power of “Deep Work” from Cal Newport (method read last year but not applied). I manage to stay focused on the same subject for 120 minutes !

I feel like I’m in Limitless. I manage to create the business model from A to Z in my head, I even write the slides in a corner of my brain! I have rarely experienced such intense concentration. Everything seems so clear to me, so obvious. Yes, I didn’t not meditate at all, but sorry, it was just too good!

BREAKFAST BREAK (06:30am)

POTATOES! I repeat. POTATOES! So we’re going to eat something other than rice. What joy !

I take 45 minutes to enjoy my dish. A dish that I would have eaten in 10 minutes in Paris. I realize how much, we forget to eat consciously in Paris, staring at our smartphones, with “no time”.

We also realize the importance of the environment on our habits. Here, no desire for fast food, porn, alcohol or anything else. You don’t think about it at all, because you have nothing to make you think about it.

MEDITATION 4 (01:00pm)

After the “Limitless” experience I had before lunch, I can’t help but see if it works again. It does not miss … 5 min after the start of the course, I scroll through my bucket-list in my head in order to find a bone to chew on: #32 – to do a TEDX in front of +400 people.

90min later, I found the theme “How to achieve anything without motivation”, I have the whole story written in English in my head and I have practiced the speech 5 times. If you know someone who knows someone at TEDX, I’m interested 🙂

So is this the hidden superpower of meditation?

TEA BREAK (05:00pm)

When time is going by slowly, you start doing weird things. Today, I spent 30 minutes cutting leaves into small pieces and I wondered why we don’t eat the grass (I tried, I understood) since we eat salad well.

I have a runny nose. No ! No way, it is out of the question that I am sick! Hop 4min plank + 100 pushups and the cold shower.

EVENING DISCOURS (07:00pm)

Goenka begins by telling us “There are 3 days left. No, in reality you have 2 days left”

Ok false joy. We have 2 days left to “practice Vipassanna well” because on the 10th day, we break the noble silence. Emotional lift.

MEDITATION “group” 8 (08:15pm)

During this meditation, I decided to make a list of people to forgive. There are 4 or 5 of them, but I told myself that I was going to send them a message to “bury the hatchet” and move on. To delete my “Saṅkhāras”!

I am totally satisfied with the DONG and Goenka’s song. 7 days is enough, right?

In the kitchen on the last day to help volunteers clean up

DAY 8 : FREE-FLOW

BREAKFAST BREAK (06:30 am)

My nights are full of dreams of mad intensity. As if all the people I thought of during the day, automatically found themselves in my dreams at night.

I can’t eat oats and peanut butter any more. I continue to keep a good caloric intake. It is important to keep giving energy to your body. Especially when it becomes inactive for so long.

MEDITATION “group” 2 (08:00am)

Today, we learn to scan our body from head to toe with a single “wave”. It’s a free flow. The idea is to feel all the gross and subtle sensations on each part of your body in one scan. It is not easy at the beginning but after a few hours it comes slowly. It feels pretty good in the end to feel all these vibrations. Be careful not to crave for this feeling as Geonka would say. We observe “as it is” and that’s it.

MEDITATION 3 (09:00am)

I try meditation in the sun. The manager makes me understand that meditation has to be quiet and in your room. OK boss !

LUNCH BREAK (11:00am)

COOKIES ! I repeat ! COOKIES ! Oatmeal cookies for dessert. Only one per person. Damn, it’s hard not to steal a second one.

My neighbor on the right launches the “shirt-less” tan. There are 2 of us following him. Nobody says something about it. Cool ! Small 30 min tanning session to enjoy the sun. By staying in the meditation hall all day, You turn white like cotton swabs.

TEA BREAK (05:00pm)

The small log in front of my room has a hole on the top. What better way to play a game of basketball with little stones?

Every day, I force myself to go through my mind and to remember everything I have experienced in the previous days to be sure to have things to tell you (the lines you are reading right now). A real work of memory!

The meditation hall (but empty because day of departure)

DAY 9 : SO CLOSE, BUT SO FAR

BREAKFAST BREAK (06:30am)

I can not stand it anymore. Stop meditation. Everything irritates me. I am tired. Everyone is tired. I can’t stop thinking about tomorrow, I want it to be the last day!

An “old” student is very pale, almost yellowish. When he moves, he levitates like Yoda. By chatting with him at the end of the stay, I learned that he had been practicing Vipasanna for 10 years and that he was in a state of non-stop meditation during his stay here.

Rice and steamed broccoli. I can’t take it anymore. Give me a fucking pizza!

MEDITTION 4 (01:00pm)

I can’t stand it. After 20min, I leave the meditation hall. I arrive in my room, barely time to put the alarm clock that I am already sleeping. DONG, it’s already time. 10 min later. DONG. You have to go back to the hall. I can’t take this DONG anymore!

MEDITATION “group” 5 (02:30pm)

OK, there are still 6 hours left today. 1 hour of group mediation. 2 hours tomorrow morning before the end of the “noble” silence. You can do it Maxime!

Impossible to meditate. I want to end it! Goenka now asks us to no longer scan our sensations on the surface of our body, but to go inside too. No, I don’t want Goenka. I want to get out of here! Everyone is more active during breaks, you feel nervous.

Improbable, a girl meditates with her mouth open. She puts tissues because the drool must fall. As I leave the room, there is indeed a drool hanging down …

TEA BREAK (05:00pm)

New cool tanning session. Meanwhile my neighbor can’t stay calm. He is playing knucklebones with stones.

I have the image of the movie “Papillon” when Henri Charriere is kept in solitary confinement for years and tries to keep physical activity without making noise. 4min plank + 100 pushups and the cold shower.

EVENING DISCOURS (07:00pm)

Slap in the head by Goenka. He explains why all of his centers operate with a donation system. Each student who attends a Vipassana course have their stay payed from a previous student. No participation is requested, whether for education, accommodation or food.

For two main reasons:
1 / to allow anyone, even people in need, to be able to come
2 / to avoid students arriving with specific expectations with regard to service or food.

Basically: “Maxime, you are nice, but you are fed and you have a bed for free. So eat your bowl of rice and you say thank you.”

LIGHTS OUT (09:30pm)

Unable to sleep properly. It took me almost an hour to fall asleep. One of my longest sleeplessness!

The “shower / toilet” space always very clean!

DAY 10 : FEEL LIKE SUMMER CAMP

BREAKFAST BREAK (06:30am)

It’s raining this morning. Anyway, morale is high this morning because it is the last day! We are on the last straight line. The day’s program is lightened in meditation with the end of the “noble” silence at 11:00 am. Only a few hours left …

LUNCH BREAK (11:00am)

We leave the meditation hall, direction the cafeteria. Nobody dares to speak yet. Arrived in the cafeteria, Medhi leaves “can we talk now?”. Everyone starts to laugh and a hubbub seizes the cafeteria. We even have the right to have a cake for dessert, it’s just Christmas before the time!

This moment is magic and inexplicable. You have to live it to understand it. A real deliverance after 10 days without speaking. Everyone gives their feelings, learns about others. “And you, did you experience that too? Do you remember the 2nd day when …?” The strangest thing is to get to know all these people you have been with for the past 10 days. Everything you could know about a person was based on what you saw as their behavior or habits. You imagined that someone was doing that kind of job or that another was that kind of nationality. The majority of people are “travelers” or “backpackers”. Many are in “Working Holidays Visa” in the country.

Everyone is very tired, but no one thinks of resting. We don’t want to miss any of these discussions. Girls have access to our cafeteria, couples meet. But beware, no physical contact until tomorrow morning!

MEDITATION “group” 5 (02:00pm)

Impossible to meditate. Our minds are full of the talks with had at lunch.

TEA BREAK (05:00pm)

The director of the center gives us a short speech on the center and its functioning. She makes a discreet request to try to gather volunteers to serve in the camp over the next few days. It indicates that if you want to stay for another 10 days, it is possible.

People have so many exciting stories. Like Medhi who volunteered in the south of the south island in a Backpackers Hostel before coming to Vipasanna. Hold on tight: He hitchhiked for 4 days to cover the 1600km that separated him from the center. Twenty different cars and memorable memories. I find it fascinating, because little nature that I am, I will have taken the plane …

LIGHTS OUT (09:30pm)

Half of the men continue to chat after the sun went out.

To make the donation, I had access to my bag. They allowed me to take my book “The Power of the Present Moment”. I still had 40 pages to finish. When I close the book, I come across my bookmark: a piece of paper with a todo list as long as the arm made before Vipassana. Reminds me that tomorrow I will reconnect to the world I left. This world at 1000 an hour, this virtual world where we are enslaved by our smartphones, this world which does not know the present moment. Oddly enough, that doesn’t make me happy.

Every morning: oatmeal porridge and cornflakes (to give crispiness)

DAY 11 : BACK IN THE CITY

WAKE UP CALL (04:00am)

Mandatory meditation for the last one. The very last. It begins with a speech by Goenka who reviews what we have learned during these 10 days and gives us advice for the future. Like continuing to meditate 1 hour in the morning and 1 hour in the evening. It is a minimum according to him. Yes, we will see. Already 30min in the morning seems pretty good to me! At the end, everyone puts away their cushions and blankets.

BREAKFAST & DEPARTURE (06:30am)

Everyone is very restless. We have to tidy up our rooms and start preparing our things. The shuttles to Auckland leave at 9:30 am sharp. The organization for this last day is very well established. Everyone helps and knows what to do. I’m in the cafeteria cleaning team.

The atmosphere reminds me of a summer camp. This moment at the end, which mixes joy and sadness to leave. A girlfriend arrives in the car to pickup her boyfriend, she runs in his arms and explodes in tears (of joy). It’s so cute. Not very “equanimous”, but we forgive them!

People exchange numbers on pieces of paper. I get in touch with 3 people to continue chatting on Whatsapp. Some wonder where they are going to go next. North or south, they have no idea. They are so free. I now call them “free-flow”. I feel like a child in this world where it seems to me so far from everything I have known.

Nina, a 27-year-old woman from Berlin, who recently arrived in the country, asks me what I do next. I replied that I had to go to Queenstown, but it was canceled. So I have nothing planned for the next 7 days. She replied “I have nothing planned either, so why don’t we go with the flow together”. Come on, why not! Me too, I want to learn to be a little more “Free-Flow”!

In the shuttle, I put my Airpods and launch a playlist. Everything seems so intense. I fear the return to the city.

If you are motivated to try the experience, quickly consult the previous chapter!

> why I did it and how can do it too <

CONCLUSION & LEARNINGS

I hope you have managed to stay focus to read everything until here. It’s very long, but I put a lot of love into it! It took me over 10 hours to write this article because I had so many things in mind.

When I am writing these last lines, we are 5 days after of my exit from the center. I took the time to travel while remaining “disconnected”, in “free-flow” mode. I still haven’t returned to Facebook or Instagram, and frankly, I still don’t miss it!

Maxime in “Free-Flow” mode, without smartphone

I really wanted my first post (back on social media) to be about my Vipasanna experience. I sincerely hope to inspire as many people as possible to try the experience because it is the greatest gift you can give yourself.

In a few hours, I’m going to fly to Queenstown for the start of my next adventure: 1500km solo bike ride around the South Island.

WHAT I LEARNED

Accept things “has it is”

It is the whole philosophy of Vipasanna, to accept things as they are, without resistance. To observe them without judging them. Because if you resist, you create suffering, in the form of non-acceptance or judgment. The more we are able to accept the present moment as it is, the more we are released from pain. You then decide whether to change this situation or not.

Take back control of my iPhone

Surely the thing I missed the least during these 10 days. From the 2nd day, I completely forgot about the existence of my iPhone. I think we are all aware of our addiction to smartphones. It’s not the smartphone, but what we do with it. I am of course talking about social media or those applications that “steal” our time.

I decided to create two categories of applications: the “push” that I have to “push” from me like Instagram and the “pull” that I “pull” towards me to make my life easier like Google Map or Spotify. When I left Vipasanna, I immediately uninstalled Facebook, Instagram, Linkedin and all of my push applications. I had experienced it last year for 30 days. Checking social media only on a computer is already a big step to spend less time on your smartphone. 5 days later, my smartphone no longer controls my life (for now).

Dying before dying

For the past few years, I have realized that our time on this planet is limited, that every second, we are dying a little more. Death is often a taboo subject, even though it concerns everyone. Vipasanna reinforced my vision on this point. All material forms, including our own, are born to die. Nothing is permanent on this planet.

When we realize this, life becomes more intense and our possessions take on less importance. Also add to that, that you don’t know how much time you have left. No one knows. Everything can stop tomorrow or in 50 years. Take the time “now”.

“On the level of form, you share mortality and the precariousness of existence. On the level of Being, you share eternal, radiant life”
Eckhart Tolle – the power of now

No longer looking for the solution to my problems in the “couple”

All my life, I believed that the solution to my problems (fear of being alone or need of recognition) was in my love-relationships. That moment when you come across “the good girl” and you think everything will disappear with her. Yes, this is the case at the beginning and on the surface. When love dissipates, problems resurface.

I finally understood that the solution to my problems lay deep in my mind. That the answer to my questions was inside and not outside. That it was up to me, and it was up to me, to correct my problems.

Neither on social media

I hid behind the easy excuse for a long time “social media is my job, so I have to be a bit obligated”. In truth, I am under no obligation at all. During my reflection sessions at Vipasanna, I checked in my head the types of content that I posted, from the selfie in the elevator to the screenshot of my race statistics through my “dailymax” vlogs. I realized that the majority of them were for “social acceptance” or “attention”.

I deleted all social media from my phone when I left Vipasanna. My “WHY” is to inspire people to wake up and conquer their dreams and goals. So I want to continue creating content but I will keep all of this in mind.

Accept my past

Yes, it is sulphurous and not always pretty. But it’s my past and I can’t change it. To tell the truth, I do not wish to change it because it was part of the path to achieve what I am now. For the past 3 years, I have started a profound change, both physically but also mentally and spiritually.

I finally understood that the image people have of me will change over time. That it’s okay there is a mismatch, and I have to accept it. I will continue to surround myself with people who accept me for what I am, “me present” + “me past” (+ “me future”)

Love being alone with yourself

Big topic for me. Those who know me well, know that I have suffered for many years from the fear of “being alone”. A few months ago, it was impossible for me to stay home alone and imagine “doing nothing”. I do not know yet where all this comes from, maybe from childhood will say psychologists.

Vipasanna and being 10 days by yourself were therefore a great challenge for me. Against all expectations, I took pleasure in finding myself with myself, isolating myself in my room or losing myself in my thoughts during my walks. I discovered that there is nothing on the other side of my fear. See even that there is a lot of love!

Learn to let go (free-flow)

I am far from arriving, but I am on the way! During my 7 years in the nightlife, I only thought of going out and partying. My only obsession was where I was going to be drunk. During my 10 years as the founder of Vertical Station, I only thought of “working hard working hard”. You know, the cliché of the entrepreneur who thinks life is to work 100 hours a week or who organizes his whole life in blocks of 30 minutes to be sure to get the most out of his day.

I do not deny all these years because they were crazy intensity with incredible ups and downs. I am now happy to see the other side of life and to have the chance to be able to appreciate both as it should be: being the hyperactive who ‘”get shit done” and being the dreamer who “sets out to conquer of his dreams “in Free-Flow mode.

Appreciate the passing of time

Vipasanna is an experience out of time and completely disconnected from our world. Staying 10 days without being able to speak, write or read, means appreciating the time passing by. As you may have read in my story “day after day”, I learned to slow down.

Truth be told, I didn’t think it was possible for someone like me. When I observe ants for a good half hour, we are very far from my block by block organization set to the minute.

Obviously, context plays a huge part. It necessarily helps to be in a lost center in the middle of nowhere without access to anything. Nevertheless, I hope to succeed in keeping those moments when I will pause to observe the passing of time.

Being hyperfocus

As explained in DAY 7 of my Vipasanna experience, I discovered the hidden side of meditation: hyperfocus. Mediation helps you clear the sky in your mind and put all your clouds aside. You then discover the power of hyperfocus. That moment when you manage to focus your mind on the same subject and not let it go for hours!

The more our society evolves, the more our degree of concentration drops. Being able to work this “muscle” is a huge advantage.

Don’t crave for “Me, My and Mine”

It’s a little about minimalism in there. Vipasanna teaches you to detach yourself from possessions, whether material or social. Because nothing is permanent. If you inexorably seek to want to “own” something, then you will inexorably suffer at some point (because nothing is permanent).

Goenka’s example is as follows: we offer you a magnificent watch. You drop it, it breaks and becomes irreparable. You are very sad because it is “your” watch to which you have attached many feelings. Imagine the exact same watch, but this time, on the wrist of your friend, who is also very proud and attached to “his” watch. The watch falls, it breaks and becomes irreparable. How do you react ? Surely with love and compassion for your friend while trying to comfort him. In the first case, you react to the feeling with sadness. In the second case, you observe the situation and react with compassion and kindness. However in both cases, it is exactly the same watch.

Meditate without moving for hours

Vipasanna is the most intense learning method in the world. You practice for 12 hours, everyday for 10 days. To give you an idea: if you meditate 10 minutes a day, it will take you almost 2 years to reach the same volume during Vipsanna.

At the end of Vipasanna, you can meditate and stay still for 2 hours. If you think this is nothing special, I encourage you to try!